Warped Tunnel Vision: Women Belong Everywhere

Stephanie Cooper

uploaded: 2021

Many of my observations here are rooted in the society of the 90s and 2000s, the era I grew up in. I recognize that society has evolved in many ways, yet in America, there persist small towns where societal expectations can weigh down the aspirations of young women who could otherwise achieve greatness. 

Being a woman has often been inextricably linked with marriage and motherhood, sometimes with a sense of urgency. This is why, as a society, we need to refrain from constantly asking women when they plan to settle down or have children. We must emphasize that such choices do not devalue a woman. I'm not playing the blame game here. My intention is to discuss how my dreams were influenced by a society that inadvertently convinced me that being a wife and a mother was the only path for women. Now, at 32, I've come to realize that my potential as a young adult far exceeded my imagination. Despite not truly understanding who I was or my life's purpose, I followed a path that seemed sensible. I got married at 18, had a child at 20, and bought a house without truly contemplating the impact on my personal growth. Let me be clear; I harbor no ill feelings towards the person I married, but I am reinforcing the fact that I deserved more than rushing into those life choices. 

If I could turn back time to 18, I wouldn't rush into marriage. I deeply cherish the son I have, and I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything in the world. However, I'm speaking about my own personal reflections. If I could step into a time machine or take a journey with Dr. Strange, I'd enlist in the military, study abroad, travel, explore, and perhaps set my sights on a career in politics, even the path to becoming a senator. That was the career path I left behind. I swapped a seat in the Senate for a seat at a wedding altar, surrounded by plastic flower petals. The trade-off wasn't worth it, and it wasn't fair to me. I wish I could go back and tell her what she means to the world. I'm not entirely sure she'd believe me. The "never too late" attitude is heartening, but sometimes, it is indeed too late. 

T he perplexing truth is that our experiences mold us into who we are today. My 18-year-old self wouldn't have fathomed the extent of her intellectual capabilities. She wouldn't have believed she was intelligent. She'd still be a quiet observer, someone who merely watched the world go by. She wouldn't be "me." Everything I've encountered on my alternate path has shaped me into the person I am today. The sad part is that the potential existed within her, but she was easily distracted by social norms and expectations. She was surrounded by young couples who rushed into marriage, and there was little emphasis on getting to know oneself before building a life with someone else. All she could envision was a family, and while that's beautiful, it pains me that it was the sole vision she had. 

Young women should have the liberty to envision a path of independence. It doesn't have to intersect with someone else's path, it doesn't necessitate a romantic partner, and we must stop endorsing that as the norm. Let's raise our daughters to be strong, encouraging them to reach remarkable heights independently before they invite someone else into their lives. Teach them independence and discipline. Discourage relationships that bloom before your daughter even gets to know herself. By encouraging her to understand herself first, you can potentially save her from heartache and divorce. In a game of chess, moving too hastily without thought can lead to defeat. Take your time, or you'll discover you've lost yourself.